Motivation

One of the most important factors influencing a child’s growth is how they are motivated. External motivation refers to motivation that comes from outside, while internal motivation is the drive that comes from within. True motivation is achieved when both of these come together. The world today is largely chasing external motivation, but remember, it is the motivation that arises from within that is enduring and lasting.

Motivation occurs for two reasons: to create a pleasurable experience (approach motivation) and to avoid a negative experience (avoidance motivation). For example, a child studies to get good marks in an exam (approach motivation) and studies to avoid failing (avoidance motivation). Motivation can come to a person in two ways.

Internal Motivation:

This refers to doing something for the sake of personal satisfaction. Once a person’s basic needs in life are met, they begin to engage in activities for personal fulfillment. The internal motivation, or intrinsic motivation, necessary for ultimate growth provides a person with self-confidence and satisfaction.

External Motivation:

This includes factors such as praise from others, promotions, good grades, etc. When both internal and external motivations combine, a strong motivation system develops in a child.

It is not enough to rely solely on external motivation to achieve significant results. A person who loves only the salary they receive without any affection for the work they do will never experience true satisfaction in life. This is because, during work hours, they feel discontent. The desire for something is a stronger emotion than just receiving it. When a long-desired item is finally obtained, the affection for it quickly fades, and the person begins to desire something greater.

In the early stages, children’s avoidance motivation system is usually stronger for avoiding dangers. Notice how carefully a child walks when they are just starting to walk. Later, motivation based on pleasurable experiences (approach motivation) develops. Very early on, children learn to differentiate between pleasant and unpleasant experiences. For example, when they step along with a song and adults clap and encourage them, they recognize this as a pleasurable experience. Conversely, when a child urinates on the floor without being told, and the mother scolds them, they recognize this as an unpleasant experience.

Gradually, children begin to differentiate between more dangerous experiences (like getting burned by touching a lit match) and less harmful ones (like getting dirt on their clothes while playing in the mud). When navigating through unpleasant experiences, parental support helps children mitigate the psychological stress associated with those experiences.

If a child faces unpleasant experiences and hears from their parents that they cannot achieve anything, they may view those experiences negatively. Instead of seeing these as challenges, they may start to believe that they bring suffering and distrust those around them, leading to a sense of helplessness. Children who reach a fixed mindset may think that their failures are due to their lack of ability, feeling trapped in their unfortunate circumstances with no escape.

In contrast, children who confront problems with parental support recognize that through hard work, they can increase their abilities tenfold. They see every experience as an opportunity to overcome challenges and thrive.